me
"Aye"
Yanee
05/01
On my stereo: Justin Timberlake's Summer Love
Mood: Erratic
"Nay"
veggies:
swallowing pills:
high heels:
skirts:
not knowing what to do:
mess:
wishlist
a bit more freedom
PSP
new laptop
more clothes, for goodness sake!
new phone
an orange scrambler
makeover my room
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Saturday, July 21, 2007
I have moved.
:)
TO LIVEJOURNAL BABY!
So if you wanna know my add, nudge me on MSN. :)
Later alligators.
But before i leave, i just wanna say thanks to butterflyashes.blogspot.com. You've been my baby for a year plus and i love ya! HAHAHA!
<~ perfected ~>
@ |4:36 PM|
Anyways, i am so friggin tired and sleepy right now. Just finished watching American Idol. Yayness~ Jordin Sparks won! Woohoo~ Though i feel that the AI series now are becoming so so so corny with its award shows. And was it me but weren't there loads of artistes performing??? Well.. Hmm.
I just got the movies Freedom Writers, Norbit, Epic Movie, Domino and Pay it Forward from Cliff. Can't wait to watch them on a lazy day. Speaking of lazy days, i haven't had one in a long time. Yesterday, i didn't go to school, instead, i spent the entire morning, afternoon and night cleaning up the mess in my room. I feel so CLEANED after that clearing out. :D
And i know i say this loads of times, but i miss the gang. Everybody. Hmm. When we meet, maybe that time is right to let you gus know. Perhaps.
Turn back time
dimply
<~ perfected ~>
@ |10:58 PM|
Ah who am i kidding? I could fool anybody who's reading but how about the one who's writing it? I don't know what to make out of everything now. I go to school and play charades with the people there, never showing them who i am. When that mask falls off after school, all i am is this tired and lacklustre pretender.
I haven't made friends in class, just acquaintances. A few more weeks to the holidays, i can't wait.
I miss the gang at SPF. I miss Gen and her telekinetic powers, always reading my mind. I miss Arfin and his klutzy-ness, always tripping over stuff. I miss Kyle and his crazy, talented shit, always seeing things out of this world. I miss Jason and his auntie antics, always rushing around red-faced. I miss the malay gang and their kecoh-ness. I miss you guys so much. Do you have any idea how friggin lonely it gets up here in the North? They say that poly life will be the best period in our less than significant existence, right now, i really hope they're right. Haiz.
I am sick and tired of having to care. I am sick and tired of feeling of being pushed around. I am sick and tired of just living. Leave me alone, i don't wanna talk. I wanna sulk in my corner and come out only when clouds are fluffy, people are smiling and feelings are rocket high.
Take my hand and tell me it's going to be ok.
dimply
<~ perfected ~>
@ |9:28 PM|
I've gotten meself into trouble with Mum (again). I told her the other day that i was going to join soccer and she gave me a mighty rundown. Hmm. But i joined the IG (interest group) anyway and the other night, she called me while i was out with the GJ people.
Mum: Where are you?
Me: With the GJ people, just finished some IG stuff at school.
Mum: Oh. So what did you join?
Me: Errm... Soccer, touch rugby and photography.
Mum: ...
*hangs up*
(O.0)
Never in my entire phone conversations with her all my life, has she ever hung up on me.
I don't know how ah. It's like...ARGH. And after that conversation, i had no mood to hang out with them. So i went home but in the end, i just slack around the park alone, feeling so shitty la. Got home uber late but Mum didn't even bother to call. :(
Soccer trials gonna be happening soon. 4th May. Don't know if i should attend. I don't wanna lie to Mum anymore. It's getting so tiring. Lie once, lie more.
Oh yeah, before this soccer episode, I was complaining to Mum about my headaches. She was seriously sending me for an MRI. But it cost about $1k+ and i don't want her to spend it unnecessarily. If i can endure, tahan la. But these headaches, they get worse each attack. I call them 'attacks' cos they just come unsuspectingly and damn, makes me feel like banging my head against the wall.
And hello! I'm off medication for my back already. :D See. I follow what doctor say; Don't Strain. :)
Oh yeah, I went to RC to meet the GJ people after 2 weeks of not meeting them. Haha. Usually, i would see their basi faces everyday, so no surprise that i miss everyone la. Before that, i especially told G to check that N, Has and B were gonna be there. So i damn happy la to see that N and Has there. (B had already gone off. :( ) Then, Kel, Y and Hu were there la. Hugs all around!!! Haha. Except for... Hmm.
I had an SMS conversation with G while on the bus on the way to school.
Me: OMG the girl sitting besides me has the same scent as *****! :( I miss people.
G: .... Oh wells, i miss people too. So we are the same. :) Sometimes you don't realise u said something wrong to someone till its too late u know.
Me: ... Yes! Totally w u on that. Then it changes everything and its so sucky. And u wish u dint say anything at all. Can i just push the girl off her seat??
G: Haha. Talking things out helps you know.
Me: But what if the other person is non-responsive.. like they don't care?
G: I guess maybe it's not cos they are not responsive. Maybe they just got tired of the way we're acting. Sometimes you never know till you try harder. So just keep trying. :)
K like sometimes, i just feel like kicking my ass. :( Grrr... Whatever la. I don't wanna think too much.
Alright, i'm gotta be going off. Going down RC to see N again! I miss her so much la. We've gotten close before i left and it's so sad la the timing. But a coincidence that when i came in, she was the first person there whom i was really ok with.
Bring me closer
dimply
<~ perfected ~>
@ |2:28 PM|
Thanks for the memories, guys.
Get tired of me
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |12:43 AM|
I went for orientation these past two days, and boy, i sure regretted going (and wasting my money on bus and train fare.) For one thing, it was nothing more than interacting with the course mates and learning the RP (Republic Poly) and SHL (School of Health and Leisure) cheers. Well, the activities were fun and all ( dig the water activities best, though i was shivering already from the cold air conditioning and rain. Oh so that's why i fell sick again!) but the administrative side of the whole programme could have been improved. Too lazy to complain already here. But on another note, i just learn that my course, Outdoor and Adventure Learning, only has 91 students in it. Cool. But hey, i would be the pioneer batch from my course, since OAL is one of the newest course on campus.
Oh and today is going to be my last day at work. Kinda glad that i'm off it for awhile, but a bit down la, cos i'm gonna miss all the crazy shit at work with the crazy people.
BUT i will still come down whenever i'm free. :D
Ok i'm gonna be late for work if i don't get to sleep now.
Sleep on it
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |12:32 AM|It's gone, before you know it.
You can't let go of something you've never had.
It's ash until you burn it
I hope I never see you again,
and what if I don't, would you even care?
Would you even care?
Forget everything
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |1:22 AM|
You're the only sober one there. Two of your friends are hung up. At least one is seriously hung up la.. the other is still functional. But yeah, you could have stopped them but you don't. You feel that if that's what they really want, to "purge" themselves, you let them. Even though you know that they will get seriously hurt. But that's what they want isn't it? And if they want to learn it the hard way, then that's their shit. But another friend comes in and gives you this disapproving look, like as though you're just as bad as them cos you didn't stop them. What do you say? What do you do? HOW WOULD YOU FUCKING FEEL AT THE END OF THE DAY, KNOWING YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED YOUR FRIENDS FROM LOSING THEMSELVES, BUT YOU DIDN'T?
Does that make me a bad person? Just as bad as those people who abuse these seemingly innocent products and just as bad as them who do not know their limits?
This has got to stop. I have to stop.
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |3:04 PM|
I am so bored stiff right now. But hell, it's okay. At least i've got G's lappy to keep my company.
Gah I had a really bad day today. >:(
Is it so friggin difficult for a father to provide just the minimal that he friggin can without blowing his top?! If you can't be someone i can call my dad, then don't, for goodness sake! You expect respect from me, when you don't give that bit of respect i deserved to have as a person. If financially, you're tight... (i really would like to know how financially tight you are, considering you don't provide for the family in any major way) then i might understand your situation. But heck, it doesn't let you to wash your hands off and get pissed at the smallest favour that Mum asks.
Sometimes, i wonder if you really care at all for Mum. I don't mind you not caring for me, (I'm used to your absence anyway) but please, your ignorance and ego totally puts Mum in a more difficult position than she already is.
If you could only be the person i can look up to... the father i can respect and love, wouldn't that clear half of the problems we have?
Grrrr... Let's drop this topic. I'm gonna be so fucked up by the time i'm done with all i have to say.
I am now warming my already-warmed butt at GJ, i don't know why i ended up here. I wanted to survey around for a PSP but looks like that have to wait till another day. Oh i'm gonna be on a two month leave from work so that i can concentrate on school. Somehow, i'm a bit relieved that i can get a quick break (2 months gonna zip by very fast, i tell you) so at least i can rest and take my mind off some stuff. :) On the other hand, i don't want to leave... Not cos i totally dig the job, just that i've made good friends and all.
You know, when you make new friends, you wouldn't know where all the heart-to-heart talks, jokes and thoughts would lead. But when you delve deeper and deeper into the friendship, you might just cross this imaginary line between friend and something more than a friend... And maybe you might not even notice it but there's subtle little changes in the way you behave around that somebody. Then you do the best you can to not feel that way cos you know you just can't. Just can't.
But you want to.
Now how do you deal with that?
Call me old fashion but when you love someone, I think you should be unselfish enough to give whoever you love, whatever they want.
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |1:33 AM|
Our cheeks may brush
Our lips may touch
But let there be no love between us.
Bruised
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |5:05 PM|
So soccer was fun, netball was fun (but tiring) and all in all, Friday nights are starting to look pretty good. After the late night out with the girls, i went home and ended up not sleeping a wink, cos H was again adamant in talking to me till the wee hours on the phone. Yessss ar... I was working opening at 7am today and ended up late for work. Ok fine, i wanted a 15 minutes nap at about 5.45am and just nice want to wake up about 6 la... but ehem.. dengar2 15minutes can become 1 hour. HAHA.
Then of all days to have slampers (radical onslaught of humongous amount of orders) ... It just had to be today when i just can't friggin open my bloody eyes. And it was only the two of us; me and my manager till about noon. Oh wow. Yes. Eh it's ok sia... Just keep on coming people, keep on coming. Grrr.
H had to come from MS to help out since OG and D were late. She also another one. Suppose to come in work at 10am, came in at 11.30 and left at 3.30pm. Haha. I ended up being with her from then on and boy, did i have fun! From lying at Dumpster area (we were damn shagged), to checking out our abs (or the lack of it), to dilemma over where to have lunch (LJS won hands down), to smoking at staircase landing (her, not me), to burning my "fur"(I've got bald patches now!), to annoying me with her hands all over me, to annoying her with my hands all over her, and finally to biting, punching, pinching and burning my hair. Ahhhh. What joy.
:D
Do you see how happy i am?
But it's funny ya noe, we'll be fooling around and really converse whenever we're alone. But once, there's people, it's as though we don't know each other. Haha. Weird la the both of us. And hello! She just noticed i got dimples! I was so shocked when all of a sudden, she sat forward (she was lying down behind me) and laughed out loud. WTH. And for a full 5 minutes, she insisted on me smiling and talking to show my dimples. Heh? HAHA.
And after all that, i went back home early!!! Although quite late la. But considering, i've been coming back home 1, 2am... You get my drift.
I don't feel special, that's all.
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |10:54 PM|
"Oh crap, the bullying starts again.", I told him.
You see, when H's around, i always kena bully. I don't know why. Pinch, bite, punch, pull hair... Everything la.
I showed Mum my bruises once and she went,
"Oh... Next time, tell H to do harder."
-.-""'
Well, i met H for awhile only. Haha. 2 hours. :) Later that night, she called me and not long later, she was cranky. Okay la, maybe i was in the wrong, cos i told her that she was dark/roasted/grilled/barbecued/burnt from her Redang trip. HAHA. She angry la!
So yeah, in the end, she fell asleep on me. WTH. I put down the phone la, i mean... hello, the bill is still running. 20 mins later, she called me back. I was just about to fall asleep. Just. Then Justin Timberlake starting singing how he's bring sexy back. My ringtone la, you shit.
After 10mins of her falling in and out of lala land, i finally got her to sleep instead of mumbling some incoherent stuff which she'll probably forget the next day. Hah. I tell you, i work with weird people.
Off to soccer and netball now.
Shit. I'm late. Again.
I thought i told ya...
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |12:53 PM|
Don't.
Please.
Perhaps we all give the best of our heart uncritically...
to those who hardly think about us in return.
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |12:07 PM|
And after that, i'm off to work. Yay... H's coming back today. Anyways, i reckon Mum's gonna be a tad peeved cos i made overseas calls yesterday night to H. Whoops.. Haha. I'll worry about that when the bill comes in.
So. I think... I don't know what i'm thinking now. Heh. Work-wise, everything's alright. Home-wise, not so ok. Just yesternight, i fought with Mum. Sheesh. Whatever la. We're both stubborn. Blame her genes! Heart-wise, not that pleasant. ( Since when has it been pleasant huh?) But i try not to think too much about it. The trick is to let it slide... Go with the flow ya noe. I mean, if that person doesn't want to, what's the point in forcing right?
Cheers. I'm late again. Grrr.
Sumpah tak rindu...
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |11:10 AM|
before she went, she came down to RC to say goodbye. I'm happy can? Haha.
"Say you miss me.."
Haha... No!
In other news...
"Do you love me?"
"What difference does it makes if i do?"
"Well, do you?"
"Most of the time... Do you love me then?
"I don't know... "
"Ok."
"..."
"I'm off to sleep. I'll see you around."
"I love you."
"No you don't."
"I love you."
"Only as a friend"
"..."
"Take care. I'm off k.."
"Don't leave me k..."
"... I won't."
"Promise you love me?"
"I promise."
Stop me somebody.
This could be the end of everything
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |12:33 PM|
Tell me what you feel
And i'll tell you this is for real.
The first and last thing on my mind
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |4:41 PM|
Ok i just went to bed at about 4++ in the morning? Yeah.. and i was already at Eunos waiting for H at about 8am. Wow. Anyways, things between us... I don't know eh. Like sometimes very good, like last night when she came down to meet me at work, but at times, like this early morning on the phone, we'll be arguing over the smallest stuff. Frust. *Deep breath* Haha.
Have i had a change of mind? I don't think so. Has she? I don't know.
Aiyah. I don't when she's serious about stuff. I think i'm too gullible and at the same time, just too hard to trust other people. Is that even possible?
Hmph. Alright.. I think that's it for now. Giant's lappy low battery sei. And my hot chocolate is getting cold. :)
I know what i want. Do you?
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |10:44 AM|
Never.
Let me live in denial, let me seek solace that's not real.
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |1:53 PM|
Let's talk about... coffee!
Despite being a barista, i have absolutely no stomach to handle kick-ass caffeine. So i was kinda happy that this US study claimed that coffee doesn't actually give you that perkiness and shit which you thought can help get through a long day. See... I told you so. :)
Anyway, there's going to be some major reshuffling of staff come this few months. There's a new branch opening at Holland V and some of us will be stationed there. I want to go!!! Bloody hell la, but apparently, i heard that the cliques and good buddies are all gonna be separated to prevent us from fooling around at work. Wa liao... Ok must get even closer to Og so i can be posted to HV. Haha. D and H probably gonna be there... Crap. "Say you miss me!" Haha. Giler...
Yesterday, i went Queensway with D to get presents for Og. So hard la... Cos we had to search the entire complex for that elusive boots. Cos only a few shops had them. But we finally did and D also got her a Predator shoe bag. Wah... D, next year, Crumpler for me k? :)
After that, we went back to RC then MS to meet up with Og and H. While we waited for them, me and D had a chat. I had some heart-to-heart and glad that she could help out. "You can't tell your heart how to feel, girl."
When those two were done, we went to the arcade and bowling! Yay! Haha. Long time never relax. In the end, after all the fun and yawns ( for me, in particular) , they wanted to go supper. I didn't think Mum will be happy about me staying out any later, so i just cabbed back home. Wow. $15 fly from my wallet so fast. Haha. It was about 1am+ that time i think.
Well, i'm gonna be so flat on cash so fast this month. Haha.
Shit i'm late for work.
One of those things which i can't say
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |10:51 AM|
" Well, I speak in English with the people i like la... "
" Oh you like me issit? "
" .... "
" .... "
" *scrambles thoughts* Not as in like like but like like... aiyah...as in comfortable la. "
" Oh... "
" *Phew* "
Aku rindu kau tapi kau tak akan tau.
Macam mane you?!
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |2:49 AM|
So there's this unofficial thingy at work where we are encouraged to "clean as you go" so that at least it's presentable to the customers yes? Ok i'm the sort of person who must see at least some order in something. Even if it's a big mess, at least make it an big orderly mess. Get my drift?
So yeah, when i saw this friend of mine, let's call her G, finished an order and just left the mess on the counter, I suck in my anger and just cleaned up for her. The second time she did it, i angry, but it's ok. Suck it in. The third time i tell you...
"Who did the sandwich order just now??"
The only people who heard me were Y and a trainee franchisee. They were doing chillers, so can't be them. But aha... I know who do actually. Aha~ I damn angry la. Thank goodness G wasn't there for me to scream at her.
Ok fine. My face like shit ah when angry. Until when Y saw me in a state, she brought me outside for me to calm down and tell her what happened. I tell la sia. Oh and for your information, i already fed up with G already because of what she did two days ago. So i guess it accumulated and boom!
After that, they talked to G until she cry la sia. Haha. Ok wrong timing to put the "Haha." Then i thought everything ok already. I just forget about whatever happened and even apologised to her cos i felt that i had talked to her quite roughly when she asked what was wrong. She dunno what she did wrong also! Oh. Never mind, i forgetting.
The last straw was during closing. I was told to clear out the pastry case so i did just that. Mind you, we usually don't do it unless it's really dirty but since the trainee franchisee were there, we had to show them how to do la. There was still a lot of things to finish up, and i thought everybody got their own jobs to do la. I saw Dida mopping outside already and H teaching the trainee how to close bar. Ok fine. Then got this very late order. That time, we already closed already but this girl wanted to buy a birthday cake for her friend, we close one eye la. They bought a whole blueberry cake. We usually don't keep whole cakes in the store; we gotta go to the back room to get it. I thought G getting it. I thought la.
I think three minutes past by and i was wondering, "Eh? Why nobody take cake ah?" cos the girls were still waiting there. I looked up and ask la, " Who's taking the cake??"
Imagine my fury... when i saw G sitting outside, talking to her friend la sia. I take the back room key and stormed past my manager. He saw G outside and before i went, he say, "Relax." I think he thought i was going to punch G in the face. No lah... Not yet.
I walked all the way to the back room, swearing under the sun until Y, who was doing stock check in the store room, looked so surprised to see me this angry. I think i angry until they cannot tahan. Haha. I told her everything and she went over to see la. G was sibeh lucky to be standing up and doing some cleaning while still talking to her friend. If she just sitting there, i tell you.... I don't know what to tell you ah. Too angry later.
In the end, i did pastry and washing and i dunno what G was doing la. I also don't care. Angry angry. Gah...
So that was it la.
Talk later la. I too hungry already.
When you love somebody you can't, what can you do but love from a distance.
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |6:04 PM|
So i got home nearing 2am from work this morning. Now Dad doesn't pick me up from work, i have to catch the last train and walk all the way home from the MRT station. Which is fine by me cos somehow i enjoy the walk home. So quiet. I can almost hear my thoughts out loud. Which is scary cos if anybody heard my thoughts really... Haha. Let's just say the key word here is "almost".
So i'm getting on fine at work. I really don't bother about what people are gossiping/talking about, if they are anyways, cos i try to do my job right and if i did anything wrong, then i'll rightfully apologize. If they're not happy or anything, then so be it. No, nothing awfully ugly happened at work or what not. I'm just trying to blow off some steam before it erupts into something more drastic.
The people there are ok. Must see mood la. Which is not good sometimes. Cos i mean, why must other people have a crappy day as well just cos you're feeling crappy right? But on my own, i try not to let that affect me. And when i'm having a bullshit day, i try not to go around snapping other people's heads off. :) I actually look forward going to work actually. Which is good right? Haha. Maybe.
At home, i can't say it's the best place to be at the moment. I'm not home most of the time, so Mum gets very restless that her only daughter is out making coffee and coming home so damn late. She's also on me for me just working there. Ok fine, my expenses comes up to the same as what i'm earning, but i'll figure out a way to deal with it. Not helping that my pay has not come in. Gah... Somehow i miss home, slacking around and funnily, cleaning up the place as well, but if i'm coming home to Mum and Azrul nagging at me non-stop, i'd rather be out at the store. Family is family though and i know they just don't want me to get duped.
Well, i'm still trying to stay in contact with the 4H people, been kinda quiet of late but hey, everybody's busy. BUT BUT but... later i'm going to the Chingay parade with Jason and Gen. Very off the cuff planning cos Jason just called me up and bam bam boom, all of a sudden, i'm off to Chingay later at 6pm. Whee~ The digi is not with me though. Azrul went for ban nian and brought it along. Curses.
Actually, there's supposed to be this soccer match against some girls working at the airport. But that got cancelled cos they had to do overtime. See how work can ruin social lives? Haha.
I'm glad i've got a chance to blog now. Usually, i'm just too tired. I still am now but let me just have a life outside of work, even if it means rambling online to no one in particular. :)
I think i'm a serial crusher
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |5:31 PM|
Where did i go wrong?
I lost a friend, somewhere along this bitterness.
Darling Hu,
I'm sorry.
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |9:44 PM|
*grins*
Anyway, Dida is now working there. It's her third day there and yesterday was high drama when she cut herself with the chai tea jug. Blood was everywhere and she fainted la. Haha. I was listening (Forced to, mind you. Y left me stranded when she was called to the counter) to a book salesman and his pitch when Y and Di called me. Dida fainted in Di's arms and boy, was she heavy. Haha. So anyways, we laid her down and i was so tempted to slap her awake. Haha. Got chance to do mahh.. So yeah, the blood just won't stop but thankfully, there was a first aider around and we did ok. I sent Dida to Raffles Hostpital alone cos Y had to leave for an engagement thingy.
In the end, Dida got a jab and didn't require any stitches. But really, sometimes, my manager can be so insensitive. Pffft.
So now, i'm off to Kyle's to do submit my course application online. (My printer has no ink) and then, go to work for the closing shift. This week's schedule killer la. I got two back-to-back on Monday to Thursday. But Friday got friendly! Yay! Long time never kick ball. Oh and i might start playing netball. :) Di asked if i wanted to join a club with her. Yay~ Maybe Nurul also joining. Which will be interesting cos she say not she play netball, the netball will play her. So we'll see la how. But must pay sei. Hmmm. $75 for three months. Which means, i must be committed for three months.
See la how.
P.S: Thanks to Y for topping up my card even though i told you not to. :)
Grab and squeeze
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |1:15 PM|
No words can describe how happy and relieved i am.
In all my secondary school, i have never ever, not in countless and never ending tests and exams, have i passed my maths paper. And now, in the most crucial examination of my life, ( so far la) i have passed.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!!!!!
That is just so little of the delirious joy and excitement i can express here. :D
But oh... the anxiety, the nerves and the jitters before getting our results. I was almost crying from thinking too much.. Kept on thinking that surely and definitely i will fail and have to retake. Gah...
But at the front to receive my results, Mrs G and Miss C can still hahaha-ed and joked around about me getting free kopi for them. Inside joke about me working at GJ's.
Anyways, i was so shocked to see my results that i totally froze and cried. Haha. Typical.
Walking back to my seat, i thought they got my results wrong. Damn i was so happy that i kept on crying till everyone thought i did badly.
I called everyone who has a mobile (haha melampau) and told them the results. :) But surely la right... must have some people who spoil my happiness.
Oklah, you want to go out and blanja me... I happy ah. Some more with people i like kan. But cannot carry ah when you ask me out with the people you know i don't like. Like you don't know meh i very the unhappy? Haiz... Why must people always spoil my day one? Why? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy????
But never mind, i keep you and they all out of my mind, but like cannot ah. Cos i just now eat at LJS, still remember you one. How like that? I want to be happy and proud of myself, got such things like this.
Ok whatever. I am supposed to be happy and joyful, not spiteful and angry.
Will update more next few days. On chalet, Pijul's birthday party, the outing with the malay girls yesterday and a lot more ah.
Eh i STILL not happy la.
chao na nai
Belief
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |8:21 PM|I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
She's running out the door
Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so very special
I wish i was special
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |3:06 PM|
I want to watch you fall asleep. Listen to you cry. Watch movies together. Pick out clothes for you. Eat like pigs together. Act like fools when we're out. Introduce you to my parents. Sing for you. Know your friends. Talk to you on the phone till my ear aches. Hold your hand when you're scared and when you're not.
If you let me.
in the shape of your mouth, in the form of your body
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |11:35 PM|
work
Make that work with what-the-hell working hours and what-the-fuck pay.
Yesterday i was supposed to be working 9am to 6pm shift. But because not enough people to do closing shift, i so-called volunteered to work till 12midnight. so called volunteer cos my nice mice assistant manager ask me nicely. So i finally got home this morning at 1am.
So that works out to 14 hours of work on 7 hours of sleep in total from two nights. Plus i was working the past two days. Why do i not see myself quitting?
Cos of the people there man!
Ok lah... Some of them, the face mintak kene tampar. But most times, i enjoy myself lots lots cos they kekek to work with.
Oh but there hor... Must be ALERT! Cos got groping, poking, molesting, hugging, pinching all over the place. Haha. Blardy hell, i kena groped, poked, molested, hugged and pinched all over my body too many times to count already... Most popular spot must be the chest. Thanks eh Nurul. Shizzer.. Haha.
Short entry about work. Gotta help Mum at HER work now. Off day like not off.
Somebody sleep for me, am too damn tired to sleep myself.
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |1:20 PM|
agonize
laugh
cry
think
and appreciate
With the things you do
the words you say
the jokes you crack
the feelings you trigger
and the thoughts you provoke
So when i'm gone
Maybe it's better
Cos sometimes, you got to stick to one you know best
Leave the excess baggage, cruise lighter down the road
The other half; maybe they're irreplaceable...
So when i'm gone,
You should know
that for 99% of the time since i met you
I'd always hope i can be the one.
and for the other 101%
I'd wish i knew how you feel.
Let's take the long and wrong way home
Yani
<~ perfected ~>
@ |12:35 AM|
weird is mysterious;
mysterious is sexy;
sexy, in other words, means orgasmic.
Ahhh... Don't you just love how the word 'orgasmic' just rolls off you tongue?
Orgaaaaaaasmic
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |11:38 PM|I shouldn't love you,
but I want too.
I just can't turn away.
I shouldn't see you,
but I can't move.
I can't look away.
And I don't know,
how to be fine when I'm not.
Cause I don't know,
how to make the feeling stop.
Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me,
and I can't help it.
I won't sit around,
I can't let him win now.
Thought you should know,
I tried my best to let go of you,
but I don't want too.
I just gotta say it all before I go.
Just so you know.
It's getting hard to,
be around you.
There's so much I can't say.
Do you want me to have the feelings?
And look the other way.
This emptiness is killing me,
I'm wonderin' why I've waited so long.
Looking back I realize,
it was always there,
just never spoken.
I'm waiting here,
been waiting here.
Just so you know
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |10:26 PM|
The road to darkness has a way of always knowing my name
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |2:21 PM|
With that, must be more matured, sensible and strong.
I wish!
Thanks to everybody who took the time to text me at midnight, at ungodly hour of early dawn and early morning to wish me all the good things that i wish i can get too. Very touched by that and i can only wish the same to you too.
Thanks again.
Loads of Love
A year older Yanee
PS: I'm holding all the shouting out loud back cos must be civilized mah? BUT HECK!!!!
YEAHH~! I'M 17! BUT NO PRESENTS!!! HAHAHA!
Ok dah.
:)
<~ perfected ~>
@ |3:52 AM|
On a happier and less painful note, it's the new year and i hope everybody will have a better year and fulfill all your resolutions. Speaking of resolutions, i have a familiar feeling that i just can't/ won't fulfill my resolutions. But hey! Resolutions are just too darn hard to do. ;)
Oh and it struck me that some people still have to go to school tomorrow. I'm missing school! But hopefully, in a few month's time, i'll be hitting the books and making new friends. :)
I'm also practising hard on my guitar. For no serious reason. Just felt that rather than letting my fingers grow fat, i'd keep them fit by working them out. Anybody knows of another way to keep my fingers bulging with muscles, please share. :)
And i'm also planning to give my room a makeover. Something unique and cool. I'm thinking random cut outs and my drawings. Bet ya didn't know i draw huh? I'm not as good as Kyle, but it's my room what.... Then i want to hunt down trinkets at flea market and put them up in my room. If i can get around to doing it, i'll post pictures. :)
Ya know what, i'm feeling down la. Don't know why. Actually i know la. But then, trying not to think of it too much. Better ignore than do something about it. Hai...
I think i'm jinxed.
Ignorance is bliss
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |11:41 AM|
You're the best i ever had
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |10:35 AM|
and then, you wish they knew how you feel.
Lovestuck,
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |11:15 AM|
Thanks eh... but less than twenty minutes we were there, the rain came and we had to run to the shelter and shivered our butts till Shakira also cannot beat. Hahaha. Mighty mighty cold but the toddlers were the ones literally freezing. Oh i forgot to mention them huh?
From left: E.T (Fitri), Pijul and Pirul
Like how cute can they get man!
So yeah, after all that waiting under the shelter, we kinda figured out that it wasn't quite raining but it just seemed that way cos the winds were really strong and it caused the seawater to spray up like rain onto our skins. So ta-da!
We reached the hawker centre, wet and cold, and decided to have dinner there though Mum actually brought quite a bit of food for the outing. Oh well, i'd settled for a glass of hot teh tarik at that moment.
If you really wanna know, Pijul and Pirul are brothers whereas E.T is their half brother. Can see the difference yes?
Handsome right?!
Oh oh... Pirul is just so so lucky to have long curled lashes and get this, ultra light light brown hair... So does Pijul but he has long long lashes instead of curled ones and his hair is still brown, though not obvious. Damn you genes.
Sharing a tender moment. Altogether now... Awwwww.
Haiz... I love babies. Time to much on those cheeks. Yum~
There's something about those teeny fingers and toes that get to me
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |3:39 PM|
SERIOUSLY??
:]
<~ perfected ~>
@ |12:54 PM|
7th/8th Dec, 10pm-1am
Was still awake, trying desperately to think through the muck called the Brain, in order to "discuss" further about the surprise we were planning to have for Gen. "Discuss" in this case, involves the very intricate and complex art of lying, cheating, conning, convincing, persuading and any other word thinkable which may help the above named cause.
We had everything under control but i had a teeny problem. A kickabout with the gals meant i had to be out early and reach the beach on time. Thankfully, the timing wasn't off and so i enjoyed the Ferrero Rocher, the waiting for Faizah, the push-ups, the wrestlings, carrying Nisa, carrying the goalpost for nothing, chatting with Nisa, the soccer timbangs and of course, i also am very pleased to get a little souvenier from a very sick Fits who just came back from Indonesia.
So even though me, Arfin and Kyle tripped graciously over all the hurdles that has come our way to make the beach birthday blindfold surprise a success; we were each faced with our own logistics or personal problems which might have caused damage to our thought-out plan; nonetheless, all came through unscathed and these are the pictures which you might wanna take a peek.
Kyle and i came to the beach first to get everything in place and while waiting for Arfin to bring Gen, we had a great view of the beach under the shade. Though the spot which i chose was quite suay cos just a tree behind us, two coconuts fell. Jialat.
Imagine my horror to find the cake slid a good inch or two to the left when i opened the box.
If you must know, i was the one who was carrying it. Hehe.
Sempat.
To make things interesting and well, to give Gen a surprise, Arfin suggested we blindfold Gen from the start and bring her to the beach. I'm glad i wasn't the one in charge of bringing her to the beach. I head from Arfin that loads of people gaggled and giggled at the sight. I did feel like a paparazzi; taking pictures of them.
Gen cut blew out the candles, cut the cake, gave them out and while waiting for that, we got ready the food to devour... i mean... eat and make merry. :) Arfin brought fried rice (Yum!) and brownies (Though i didn't get to eat them) while Kyle brought drinks and snacks. I brought the logistics and snacks too. Gen just brought an empty stomach. Tsk.
Anyways, since we were busy gorging ourselves, there are no embarrassing pictures of that. Instead we have a lot of pictures by the sea.
Oh oh. First thing before anything else, i would like to state that Changi is ever so dirty now. I stepped on a piece of still-sticky gum and had to pry it off with a spoon. Grrr. Talk about environmental issues huh Faizah? HAHAHA.
Running into sea
And dammit, Arfin caught me almost falling in.
I will teach you guys how to take a nice jump shot k? First, no need to place camera below waist level or wherehaveyou to take the shot. Just a normal chest or eye position is ok. Second, on the count of three, snap the shot at the same time when the subject/s is/are jumping. Third, do not jump as well. :) There you go! Now hopefully you guys can take better jump shots. Sheesh.
Me and the birthday girl. Blow wind blow.
Errr. Ter-stuck tak?
We decided to play beach volleyball after we got bored with the sea. And after that, me and Arfin caused mass destruction on the beach, searching for seashells and remis. We had a fierce competition, trying to find the most number of remis. I found 36 while he claimed... i repeat claimed to have 37. Right? Anyways, when i went back home and counted the shells, it came up to no more than 55. Heh. Somebody... I won't say who... but somebody counted wrongly.
We had to moved from the last premises due to the unwelcome presence of the ants.
Awww
The Shades
Oh and we were very lucky that day cos when we looked up to the sky, we saw a rainbow! Now how cool is that?? It wasn't even raining then.
And of course, all this is for our dear Gen.
HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY TO GENEVIEVE! (Finally)
More smiles, laughs and talks, Gen!
(Hey i used your name in three... no four... sentences, GEN. Hahaha.)
Well, i'm quite saddened to say that while i was out having fun and all, (No no. Nobody died. I think "saddened to say" is the wrong choice of words eh? ) Fits has taken ill and unfortunately had to be admitted into CGH. I have no idea how bad the situation is or how long she has to be hospitalized but i sure hope/pray/wish/want with all my heart, stomach, bladder and kidneys, she will get well really soon and be the cheeky little bugger that she is.
Be a dear and get well soon, Fits. You know i miss you. ;)
Yanee
<~ perfected ~>
@ |9:50 AM|