the imperfect perfectionist

*me *
Yanee
05/01
On my stereo: Justin Timberlake's Summer Love
Mood: Erratic

"Aye"
indie rock, alternative, pop rock: smiles: hugs and kisses: soccer: chocolates: Nike: teddy bears: touch rugby: babies: rock-climbing and bouldering: soft and pantene-smelling hair: my well-worn Levi's: Adidas: white, blue: short nice hair: Elmo, Oscar the Grouch and Cookie Monster:

"Nay"
veggies: swallowing pills: high heels: skirts: not knowing what to do: mess:

*wishlist *

a bit more freedom
PSP
new laptop
more clothes, for goodness sake!
new phone
an orange scrambler
makeover my room

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Sometimes you feel like they're no longer there for you.

Sometimes you think they are.

They give these little signs that perhaps they still have something for you.

Then, they come and take it back, the same way that they suddenly gave.

I've just finished this book, 'Teach me' by R. A Nelson.

I'm starting to be his fan.

It's just so... so me.

What he wrote and how he potrays the main character.

Yes.

It's about a teacher and a student.

You can say that the outcome between the relationship is the same with me.

Yes.

I think I just found out that i am this annoying, desperate, obsessed girl, so in love with another.

Yes.

I'm ashamed of what i did.

Of what appalling ways i turned to to get thru to my love.

The similarities are astonishing.

That first love with a much older other.

That insecure feeling when we first started out.

That unexplainable feeling of affection and love for someone i've just known for a short time.

That simmering jealousy when everything was over and that person is with someone else.

That regret that things didn't work out.

That sad feeling inside whenever anything reminds me of that someone.

That lost feeling when I'm usually left in the dark when in fact, everything was rushing at top speed all around me.

That depressing feeling when the other doesn't call or message.

That yesterday and today were supposed to be special days.

That sickening feeling that they are now together when in fact, i'm supposed to be with one of them, celebrating our 6th month together.

That hatred towards myself that i can't forget about them.

That the reason behind all this is lost, somewhere, nowhere perhaps.

That the fact that we fizzle out without so much of a goodbye.

That I know i hate you but i love you at the same time.

That 'you make my heart beat faster and slower at the same time'

That i lost my self-respect and dignity all when I find myself crying at the smallest things,

When i already made an unspoken promise to myself to stop thinking about and crying over you.

You made me hate me.

I shall stop incessant ramblings and forgot both of you now.

I shall leave with no more than a silent whisper.

I'll love you. Always. Because forever is never but always will always be always.

I know this will be an empty promise.

How i will forget you is mind-boggling.

I know i can't.

I'm rambling again.

I should and will stop.

Happy would-be 6th/7th month Anniversary to my B/S.

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<~ perfected ~>
@ |2:45 AM|

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