the imperfect perfectionist

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Today started out lyk crap.

Ended more or less the same.

Morning was the worst.

Afternoon culd be comparable.

Evening was again in pretend-mode.

Where i come back home and be the happy little shit whom everybody thinks i am.

Morning:

I'm hating my weekends.

That's when all the waiting and hoping comes full blast.

That's also when imagination runs wild, thinking what is being done by someone with a certain some else.

Cannot cannot.

If continue like this, people think i'm one crazy, obsessed fucked-up bitch.

Eh wait.

I am.

Bweah...

So dunnit talk about morning la...Make my face more shittier than it already is.

Let's talk about the afternoon, though i feel relunctant about it.

Afternoon:

Ok. Firstly, I must apologised to Arfin for my damn black and no mood face just now.

Serious siak.

No mood to do anything.

Even eat.

Mind you, everybody knows i eat like a guy.

Not messy la...I eat a lot.

Thank god, I play sports.

Speaking of sports, i got kicked out of the netball school team.

Haiz.

Yesh. Your netballer of 10 years here just got her ass kicked by that damn coach.

Really sad bout it.

Cos frankly, it wasn't really my fault.

Blame on my genes, man!

I've got loads of medical problems, (the worst being my back, i had to wear back braces to support my back once.) just that i don't really tell my school mates about them unless they're the really close ones.

Oh and doesn't help that I sometimes skip trainings to go important meetings with people eh.

So basically, most of my team mates don't know i've got problems la.

And apparently, rumours going around that even though i slack giler and dun go training, I'm still in the team.

Well, I finally got cut.

I hope you guys are happy that this arrogant bitch is no longer there.

I don't give a shit of what you think of me.

It's not arrogance girls...It's what you call confidence, which you apparently don't have.

Told Mum tearily though.

Then she console console me and say, ( I think she trying to be nice mummy la)

"Ah don't sad la. See now no netball, can study O levels better kan?"

How the hell is that supposed to make me feel better? -.-'''

Fine~

Abit but still not a lot.

Anyways, back to this afternoon.

Yesh. I was in a bweah mood all day long.

Basically i didn't wanna talk or do stuff or even walk for that matter.

I was just waiting.

Waiting for that message, that call.

Waiting at Starbucks, TM, CS, library and McDonald's.

But it never came till Evening knocked on my door.

Evening:

So i opened the door to Evening at McDonald's.

Evening warned me that it wasn't gonna be a nice one.

She was right, of course.

Message came saying, not being able to meet and all the shit.

I that time, sitting reading book and forcing McChicken down my throat.

I read that message and suddenly feel lyk i got morning sickness.

Wei...Before you say anything, I so~ DO NOT have any morning sickness before. I heard it from my aunt alrite? Sheesh...

So yea..Morning sickness came and went.

Cos i got see the phrase, "i'm really sowwie"

I see. I melt. I sigh.

This bugger make me lyk a freaking lovesick idiot everytime and anytime.

*hugs*

I very the sad for this bugger lei.

Early morning got problems on the bus.

I do hope everything's alrite.

If i were there, I might just take floorball stick and whack the cheekopek left, right, centre, bottom, top and middle.

But cannot la...

I at home that time, bugger on bus pulak.

That bugger with some other people.

So any messages or calls, of course, never reply la.

Since i'm already out of the bugger's life kan.

Tak bleh dipaksekan.

Though i feel lyk i do sometyms, and that makes me feel lyk shit

Cuz i promised myself that i won't but i still do.

Then newaes, got that message that not gonna meet. I say to Arfin we get lost from Mcd. lor.

I very the suay one, cos once on bus to head back home, the Zen Neeon switched on already,

The first song playing was by Akon.

Haiz.

Depressing.

Then got listen to James Blunt's You're Beautiful.

I sit and stared out the window, seeing all the spots where we got to know each other more intimately, more personal, more close, more like we were before.

I cried but i wiped them away before anybody see and point at me, then say, "Shame, shame".

The song reminds me so much of you.

You are just so beautiful in my eyes, no matter how much you say you're not.

The bus stops at my stop but i sit and say we get off at Eastpoint.

I felt lyk i needed a breather.

After that awfullly shaky moments when the messages came, my legs culd use the walking.

We got off the bus, walked towards home.

Lo and behold...who do we see but the dearest Gen.

She wanted to buy dinner, so after we chit chat outside,

We went KFC and she packed her dinner for home.

Her sis came along btw.

So after that, we walked back together and decided to take pictures.

I really cheered up when i saw her.

Dunnoe why.

Perhaps cos she's been the one there for me always and i needed her at that point of time.

Thank you, Gen.

So we pose pose and smile smile for camera till it went flat.

I headed back home.

Arfin sent me.

He didn't need to bother really.

I actually feel better going home alone.

I think better that way.

So Arfin, If you're reading this,

I don't mind going home alone.

Mebbe next few times, dunnit to send me lar.

ok?

ok.

I got back home and watch TV.

All the while, thinking of some other stuff.

TV didn't helped me make the stuff in my head to mute mode.

So i waited till 10+ and go online.

While waiting for lappy to slowly switch on and log in, I called the bugger.

Took a mighty long tym to answer.

But still answered.

OMG. So cute mute the voice when the bugger is sleepy or just woke up.

haha.

EH.

I wanna pinch those cheeks sei.

So umph!!

Newaes, before i hyperventilate, thinking about those lips and cheeks...

The sleepy bugger told me that Sleepy Bugger will call,

But Sleepy Bugger apparently KO on the bed oredi, i can imagine.

So i wait and wait.

And now, it's midnight.

Confirm won't call.

Chatting with Gen now.

Haiz...Reminds me that i got to act lyk happy little shit the whole of next week.

Cannot make them worried lyk the other time.

Sleepy Bugger, sleep tight.

Think of me in your dreams, like i do to you.

I had a nice dream the other day.

But i shall keep that to myself.

Tomorrow's a Sunday.

Means you're not free.

Yet again.

Sleepy Bugger, do you think of me lyk i do to you?

Sleepy Bugger, do you love me lyk i do to you?

Sleepy Bugger, are you asleep yet?

I bet you are.

Sleeping Bugger, look around you,

When you're off to sleep and remember what we cherished.

Sleeping Bugger, Good Morning.

*hugs*

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<~ perfected ~>
@ |4:07 PM|

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