Sunday, January 15, 2006

Gosh, it's about 4am and im still awake.

I can't sleep.

I'm thinking too much.

Over what...I jolly well know.

But it kinda bring back all the stupid flashbacks of what exactly was exchanged verbally on the phone about 4 hours ago.

I knew i shouldn't have called.

But you know the sensation when u got an itch on ur nose and u know ur not suppose to scratch it cuz it brings out the zits in full-force if u do?

You just gotta scratch cuz it itches lyk crazy and when you do, u enjoy the relief for awhile but half a minute later, u got one huge ugly pimple right where the light shines so bright and cheery for everyone to ogle and be tempted to pinch the 'juice' out of it?

Ya...It was something lyk that. The fact that i couldn't resist not calling was one that i was ashamed of.

There i was. Promising myself that i wouldn't call, no matter what the conditions, but suddenly all i could remember was the ringing tone in my ear.

DAMN

I could have hang up before the call was answered but noooooo~

It happened so fast.

All i heard next was a very very rough grunt of a hello.

I knew i was doomed before i could even say hi.

But i ploughed thru the conversation for 23mins and sadly, like all calls starting with a hello grunt and a weakened heart, there were bound to be some sarcastic and catty remarks.

Boy, it came in truckloads, those sarcasm and cattiness. Practically dripping with them.

Alrite, i wouldn't say that it went all downhill. There were some classic moments of some were-and-has-been moments which i relinquished with relish and some sly add ons about private matters.. But i wouldn't say that that outweigh the nightmares of sentence sparring.

To cut things short, I asked a simple question which is still not answered. I assumed and told what i thought and felt about this bullshit. Trying to save urself with the reasoning that you neither answered nor denied these assumptionsm, i'm appalled that you even bothered to.

I know i'm stupid.

But not that stupid.

And excuse me ah...What kind of sorry is that?

You're sorry for what?

For hurting me over and over again?

If that was the case, don't bother apologising till you're done with the hurting ok?

You keep apologising, i might just forget what that word actually mean and whether it was even sincere to start out with.

And please, if it really is about that someone else, just tell me.

Same goes for that simple question.

If you love me, tell me straight to my freaking face.

You hide it all and expect me to still hang around to find out?

I'll leave that for you to answer.

Like i said, you continue to do what you do best and leave me hangin

You take me up so high only to leave me hanging, when you're almost done with me, you let go and let me fall.

You're great. So great, i can't even start to describe your greatness.

And now i'm sounding all bitchy and fucked-up cuz babe, that's how i am when i'm pissed.

I noe after all this ranting and bitching, i'll be in my head and regret whatever i just typed here.

i'll apologise and think it thru rationally, finding who's at fault and why.

DAMMIT

I hate me.













I've chilled and went to kitchen to search for tidbits, im back and its now...5.20am


See. Wad did i tell ya..Im regretting what i said just now. But i won't delete it.

Nah...Let's keep it on fer abit. It is technically a blog where all my thots and feelings are jotted down here.

Im startin to feel sleepy.

The phone call is still on my mind.

Trying to forget the bad parts but focusing more on the better ones.

I really hope that we'll meet.

But knowing you, i think suffice to say that we won't.

That's why i don't mind being up this late...or issit early??

Morning everybody.

I suppose if i do go out tmr, i'll juz get my red bulls and sugar in the system.

Which i bet i won't.

Come on, no use hoping.

Better stay as hopeless as possible.

You don't get hurt that bad if u do.






Aite, gonna get a few hours of shut-eye and then it's off to endless waiting and forever heart aches.




I'll leave with a short quote which i found online.

'I woke up today, realizing that you're the only one i could feel for 'in that way' but then i felt the pain, realizing you don't feel the same'

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<~ perfected ~>
@ |9:43 PM|