the imperfect perfectionist

*me *
Yanee
05/01
On my stereo: Justin Timberlake's Summer Love
Mood: Erratic

"Aye"
indie rock, alternative, pop rock: smiles: hugs and kisses: soccer: chocolates: Nike: teddy bears: touch rugby: babies: rock-climbing and bouldering: soft and pantene-smelling hair: my well-worn Levi's: Adidas: white, blue: short nice hair: Elmo, Oscar the Grouch and Cookie Monster:

"Nay"
veggies: swallowing pills: high heels: skirts: not knowing what to do: mess:

*wishlist *

a bit more freedom
PSP
new laptop
more clothes, for goodness sake!
new phone
an orange scrambler
makeover my room

Friday, September 01, 2006

It was to be a happy day. It started out happy. It ended nowhere near there.

I got a call from Mum. Told me that my granduncle just passed away. I didn't believe her. How can it be? I heard from him just two nights ago. He sounded happy. His usual self. The joker during family outings. When i asked Mum how he died, she broke down and cried. She hung up and left me shocked. Mrs G was nagging at me, asking why i was using the phone in class. I shut her up when i told her what happened. And it just overcame me.

That feeling of knowing someone's no longer there. That feeling of grief. That sickening feeling of loss. I can't remember what i did next. I knew i had to do something to keep my mind off him. So i did something... Which i can't remember now. But Mrs G did speak to me to ensure that i was ok. After that, i went to the hall to watch the Teachers' Day Concert. That made me forget everything. For a minute, it was as if nothing had ever happened. Then at the end of it, my counsellor came over to my class and took me for counselling. Mrs G must have told her.

Spent the time in her room, me just keeping quiet and her talking and talking abt death. Enough. I was fine before i met you. Now that i have, i'm feeling worse. But it's not her fault. It's her job.

The Teachers' Day party still went on and it was ok. Lots of food. Mrs G took me to one side again to talk. I dunno what to say. Cos if i say anything, i'll just end up crying it out. So i didn't say anything much.

I'm not going to the funeral. I don't think i can stand the loss and sadness. Yeah... "Only the strong people can face things face to face." I know i'm not. So there.

Grieving a loss so sudden, it feels as though you're still here.
Thank you and Goodbye, Tok Ahmad.
Yanee

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<~ perfected ~>
@ |5:29 AM|

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