the imperfect perfectionist

*me *
Yanee
05/01
On my stereo: Justin Timberlake's Summer Love
Mood: Erratic

"Aye"
indie rock, alternative, pop rock: smiles: hugs and kisses: soccer: chocolates: Nike: teddy bears: touch rugby: babies: rock-climbing and bouldering: soft and pantene-smelling hair: my well-worn Levi's: Adidas: white, blue: short nice hair: Elmo, Oscar the Grouch and Cookie Monster:

"Nay"
veggies: swallowing pills: high heels: skirts: not knowing what to do: mess:

*wishlist *

a bit more freedom
PSP
new laptop
more clothes, for goodness sake!
new phone
an orange scrambler
makeover my room

Sunday, September 03, 2006

So i eventually went to the funeral ceremony afterall. After much persuasion from my cousins and Mum. We made it to the house before the body left for the burial. All around, there was a heavy feeling. Ya noe, that kinda feeling. Well... I was kinda stoned la one corner. Somehow, when the body was being bathed with the flower bath and during the final goodbye and kisses were made, it didn't seemed right to cry. Not then.

I saw Grandma, Mum and Mimi crying. I didn't cry. Couldn't. Only when we were at the lift lobby, waiting for the body to be brought down to head to the mosque for it to be prayed for, did i cry. In fact, i turned to look at Azrul for support. He turned too. Like as though we synchronized it, we turned back front and cried. Cried for a loss we knew we can never get back and cried for the memories he left us with.

At the cemetery, there were two other bodies waiting to be buried too. So we had to wait for them. Me and Azrul went nearer to the dug graves. So as we just stood there, in solemn respect for the deceased, i noticed that the body of the nearest family was unusually small. Like a kid's. I asked Azrul...

" Wouldn't it be heartbreaking for a child to die before they can live fully?"

Tears. Both of us.

It's heartbreaking yes. But it's fated. Allah love them more. That's why he took them first. My aunt told me that. Perhaps.

Trying to be strong
And i've seen the time
I've seen the time go so fast
All this with you.

This is my final goodbye
My final goodbye

I'd rather die than bleed
Let's forget those things we said.
I'd rather die than bleed
The sun has set but still,
Here i am, I can't forget.

Grief
Yanee

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<~ perfected ~>
@ |10:10 AM|

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